As a writer, universal, free public Wi-Fi is the dream that I hope is made manifest within my lifetime, but until that day comes, cafes make for a fine option for connecting to the web to fetch information for stories, check e-mail, and chat with friends. From the looks of things at my local coffee house, Vox Pop, and similar spots throughout the five boroughs, you concur: you can’t walk into a cafe without seeing at least one Apple or Dell logo. The prospect of free internet gathers the both the diversion-seeker and workaholic.

That said, there is a strict code of conduct that must be adhered to while going about your business. Although many of the following suggestions are followed to the letter by the vast majority of coffee house Wi-Fi users, there’s always that one funky monkey that manages to ruin the party for the do-gooders. For s/he we’ve assembled this list of tips to make the experience pain-free for all parties involved.